I was immediately prepped for surgery.
I had lots of forms to sign, an IV was put in, I talked to the anesthesiologist.
I talked to Dave.
I admit that I was at my absolute lowest at that point. I was devastated that my baby had to be surgically removed from my body. I felt like I was killing my baby. I was scared to death of going in to surgery. I didn’t even get to tell my kids bye when I left the church. What if something were to go wrong? I don’t know if it still exists, but I did make a short video talking to my kids before I went in to surgery. That helped a bit.
I was wheeled in to the OR next to the operating table. It was the hardest thing ever to get up out of the chair and get myself up on to the table, even with the help of nurses. I remember one guy at my head putting the mask over my mouth and nose to put me to sleep. Others on either side of me put my arms out to the sides of me. And that was it. I prayed until the anesthesia knocked me out.
I woke up in recovery, and I think I was the only one in there. It was past midnight so it was to be expected. I was immediately nauseous and was given some medicine for that. I went back to sleep. I think I did that for a couple of hours at least. I’d wake up, feel sick, take some meds, and go back to sleep. I don’t completely remember the time frame, but I went in to surgery before midnight and the friends who came to wait with Dave left at 3am and I was still in recovery. Once I was awake a little more, Dave came in and the nurse gave me some cookies and ginger ale.
I found out the details of the surgery. I had three incisions from the laparoscopy. My baby was in the right fallopian tube and it had started to rupture so they had to remove the tube as well. I had started bleeding again during the ultrasound earlier. It was another monitor and deal with it situation.
They nurse reassured me that if I wanted, I would still be able to have more children in the future.
I thought they had said beforehand that I’d be staying for part of the day. Now they said I was being released to go home. I was not happy about that. I was worried about how I would handle going home so soon.
I believe we got home around 5 or 6 am. Dave helped me get into some comfortable clothes and got me on to the couch. At some point that day, Thursday, the friends who had stayed with Dave came over to help out. Our kids came home that evening. All they knew at that point was that I had gone to the hospital. Dave had to tell them the news. We had decided the best thing would be to simply tell them that the baby had to go to Heaven with Jesus and was no longer in my belly. Our girl was very sad right away and our boy buried his head in daddy as he reacted to not having his little brother or sister anymore. I showed them my three incisions so that they would understand that my belly would be sore and to be extra careful with it. Thankfully, our friends had their daughter with them who helped distract and entertain them after receiving the news.
Our friends stayed and helped Dave get the kids to bed. Poor guy was doing everything because I was the one in physical pain. It was very nice to see him have some help and moral support.
I was still feeling very sick and took a nighttime nausea pill that I was prescribed. It did not go well. It made me sick instantly and that’s not a normal thing for me. Our wonderful friends stopped and said they would just spend the night and sleep wherever they had to so they would be here to help through the night too. (Yes, we’re incredibly blessed to have this family in our lives!) At about 3am I took my last pain pill and from then on, the pain had eased enough that I didn’t have to take it.
I spent about four days on the couch, 24/7. After a couple days, I was able to go up to the bathroom on my own. Slowly, but it was on my own. By the last day I was so proud of walking to the kitchen, making myself a piece of toast and a cup of tea all on my own. I showered on day 4, and was in pain afterwards. It took a couple more days until I was able to do that comfortably.
Here I am now, ABOUT THREE WEEKS post-op, and I’ve finally had some normal days. Last week I had three straight days of no pain. It was wonderful. I’m still experiencing some pain at the incision sites and occasional upset stomach. Some days I feel normal and dress normal. Other days I’m in the most comfortable pants I own because of the pain. I am back to my daily babysitting, having a yard full of kids from the neighborhood on nice days, and I’m getting through the daily laundry, dishes, my daughter’s school work, etc. It’s still going to be a while until the pain is totally gone and I’m totally 100% again. It’s going to be even longer before I’m through the initial loss of my baby. At least I know he or she has a sibling in Heaven as well as grandparents. That has also been a comforting fact for our children, and they say he/she is watching over us.
Despite the fear and concern of this happening again, I do have hope that we will have another baby someday soon. We may have questioned if we wanted more which is what led to getting the Mirena in the first place, but we now know that we absolutely want another little one in our family. In the meantime, I still have my wonderful son and daughter and my incredible husband and I’m extremely grateful for them. Through this all, we’ve been reminded of the love and support from our families and we’ve seen so much love and support from many friends as well.
*This is Part 4 of a 4 part series.
You can go back to Part 1 here: Our Ectopic Pregnancy – Part 1